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Post by Relle on Aug 4, 2011 22:07:10 GMT 10
Saw a car covered in dirt and mud today, someone had written on the rear window in the dust "Wish my wife was this dirty" ;D
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Post by Relle on Aug 5, 2011 16:03:26 GMT 10
Donald Duck's on a dirty weekend, calls reception & asks for condoms. Receptionist says shall I put them on your bill? "Don't be thuckin thupid I'd thuffocate!"
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Post by Relle on Aug 6, 2011 8:40:43 GMT 10
2 old ladies sitting in Church. one turns to the other and says "My butt fell asleep." The other says," Yeah, I thought I heard it snore a couple of times."
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Post by Relle on Aug 10, 2011 12:49:23 GMT 10
Spell ur name, look the meaning of each letter in ur name & then write it in comment  A = Gifted B = Less Patience C =Innocent D =Talented E =Good Heart F =Feel 4 Others G =Logical Thinking H =Calm I =Respected J =Enjoy Life K =Loved by All L =Arrogant M =Great Person N =Smiling O =Sportive P =Intelligent Q =Cool R =Unpredictable S =Romantic T =Proud U =Genuine V =Angry W =Practical X =Crazy Y =Caring Z =Pretty |
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Post by Relle on Aug 10, 2011 12:52:04 GMT 10
"A wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked
at her, then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K".
She asks, "What does that mean"? He said, "Adorable,
Beautiful, Cute Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous,
Hot". She smiled and said, "Oh, that's sweet, but what
about 'I, J, K' "? He said, "I'm Just Kidding' ".
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Post by Relle on Aug 16, 2011 11:46:18 GMT 10
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'So the koala looked down at him and said, 'FAAAAAARK..!!!!! dude... How much water did you drink!?'
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Post by Relle on Aug 27, 2011 6:22:41 GMT 10
I was in the public toilet and just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?." Embarrased, I said, "I,m doing fine".The voice said" So what are you up to?". I said "Just doing the same as you, sitting here". From next door, "Can I come over?" I said "Rather busy right now". The voice said "Listen I will have to call you back, there,s an idiot next door, answering all my questions".
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Post by Relle on Sept 14, 2011 8:33:54 GMT 10
Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"
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Post by Relle on Sept 14, 2011 8:34:31 GMT 10
I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
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Post by Relle on Sept 14, 2011 8:39:02 GMT 10
How to Wash the Cat - by the DOG:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Note: You can omit step one and clean the toilet at the same time, simply flush a few more times.
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Post by Relle on Sept 22, 2011 8:26:30 GMT 10
An elephant and a naked guy were talking and the elephant asks the naked guy how can u breath through that little thing |
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Post by Relle on Sept 24, 2011 7:24:08 GMT 10
Right THAT'S IT, I'm taking my housework to court for harassment & placing a restraining order against it so it can't come within 200mtrs of me or my home!!!
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Post by Relle on Sept 24, 2011 7:26:16 GMT 10
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't worry, I don't eat paper
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Post by Relle on Oct 30, 2011 4:25:12 GMT 10
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"
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Post by Relle on Oct 30, 2011 4:27:18 GMT 10
There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them.
Hearing about a pastor nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the pastor to talk with the boys and he agreed.
The mother went to the pastor and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent the younger boy to the pastor.
The pastor sat the boy down across his HUGE, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the pastor pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Young man, where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, then said nothing. Again, louder, the pastor pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again, the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the pastor leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Young man, I ask you, where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We're in Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble?'";
His brother replied, "I'm telling' ya', we're in BIG trouble. God is missing and they think we did it!"
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